Bird net facial

Bird poop

Devoid of inspiration? Fingers listless, tired? Check your google searches for fun and profit (and cheap blog posts). Boring of late, mine have shown sparks of life this week. We begin with the promising “big feces” – apparently Gillian McKeith* is a fan. Less excitingly, my site is now a veritable hub for all things eyebrow-related (the Healey variety in particular), which pleases me no end, as does my continued dissemination of lies about Noel Edmonds. Someone would like to know “onion and tortoise how to pronounce” – I can only assume that a wildly misguided translation of Aesop is taking place somewhere on the subcontinent. And yet another visitor is looking for “outrageous badger mullet cuts” which really defies any sort of analysis.

Best of all though, having previously believed the internet to have exhaustively catalogued all possible permutations of sexual fetish, it is with some bewilderment that I discover myself to be the main authority for devotees of the “bird net facial”. Such is this community’s apparent isolation that they’re succumbing to grave self-doubt, one wavering gentleman reaching my site with the forlorn search, “what is benefit bird net facial?”

Never having had a bird net facial myself, I can only speculate as to its pros and cons, but please, sir, do not lose hope! There can be few enough of you bold enough to practise such hornithology at all, let alone reach out to kindred spirits on the internet. Readers, picture this poor gentleman at his computer, his face dripping with budgie semen and tears, and with the squawks of his flaccid menagerie ringing hollow in his ears; what worse time to experience a crushing moment of despair? I invite everyone who has known the joy of receiving a money shot from a macaw to come forth in a spirit of joyful community, and I’m happy to host such a virtual gathering on this very blog.

Help him; help yourselves. Is this not the true benefit bird net facial?

(*Gillian McKeith contains trace quantities of PhD and large quantities of nuts.)

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