Monthly Archive for July, 2008

Great Eyebrows of our Time

Most people subjected to my conversation over the last few years will have come away with the impression that I’m obsessed to an almost monomaniacal extent with beards. This may not be an entirely false impression, but never let it be said I don’t let my interests branch out. Today I would like to draw Continue reading →


I appear to have monkeys on the brain at the moment. I blame King Cricket.


::ring:: Me: “Hello?” Them: “Hello.” Me: “Yes, hello.” Them: “Hello?” Me: “Yes, we’ve established that.” Them: “As’salaamu aleikum?” Me: “That’s pretty much ‘hello’ again, isn’t it? Are you going to tell me who’s calling?” Them: *click* This happens about five times a week despite my resolute refusal to become a Mr Islam (about once every Continue reading →

The Reverse Cnut

Earlier this week, the EU announced its approval of the baobab fruit for use in smoothies and cereal bars. This historic move ends millions of years of speculation as to the safety of the fruit; after evolving aeons ago with little thought for proper licensing procedures, the baobab has languished in a regulatory hinterland since Continue reading →

Breaking News: World runs out of news

In a development that has shocked Fleet Street, it transpired today that the world has run out of news. Pensioners were seen roaming the street, befuddled at the lack of stimulus from their cathode ray sets, and commuters on the Tube were heard to wonder, “don’t we have some kind of bat-signal that summons Amy Continue reading →