Sweet zombie Jesus

I just bought myself a manbag. That’s not the problem. The problem is the marketing material I just found in my manbag, which made me want to throw up in the nearest handy receptacle. Fortunately I was still holding the manbag. Here is the glurge:

So you’re interested in PUMA? Nice move. You’re obviously smart, confident, and know what you want in life.

Sure, you work hard, but you’re no slave to the rat race. You know the score. You call the shots. You make the most of your chances.

So buy this it suits you.

I didn’t expect much out of today – it’s 3pm and I’m not even dressed, but now I’m being ironically patronised by my fucking bag. Well the joke’s on you and your self-image, Puma™; I’m both shy, indecisive and lazy. And I’m so smart I think “both” can refer to more than two things. Top that; I’m off to exorcise my manbag.

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