I held this back because King Cricket gets first dibs on Rob Key-related things. Unfortunately Rob bided his time on an England recall for a bit longer than any of us mortals might’ve hoped, but The Day is finally here.
Sort of. He played!
Sent to England cricket coach Peter Moores on May 1, 2008. A response is still awaited.
Dear Mr Moores,
I hope you will forgive my impertinence, but I am writing in the hope of convincing you to select a certain Mr RWT Key for the upcoming Test series against New Zealand. While I obviously bow to your superior knowledge on all matters technical, it seems to me that (with respect) it is a lack of vision that has prevented Mr Key from being more frequently picked in the past.
To address this, I have prepared an image that shows the true glory that Rob’s return to Test cricket would represent:
Here we can see Rob after a scintillating triple century at Lords, being borne from the scene of his triumph by his faithful steed, the capybara. The New Zealand players are difficult to make out, but I assure you that they are, to a man, weeping at the majesty of the occasion.
Now, the Australians will surely fight back with some sort of marsupial, but I hear so frequently of the importance of “momentum” in the modern game that I feel that the combined mass of Rob Key and the world’s largest rodent is not to be lightly passed up. Such a partnership would surely be unstoppable, both figuratively and literally, and I commend it to you with my whole heart and both of my trousers.
aged 28 1/2.