Our binmen are weird

Alt binI think they have OCD. It’s the only explanation. Why else would they reject bags of perfectly good rubbish based solely on the colour of the bag? As I type this, there rests outside our front door one forlorn sack of onion cuttings, Pots (ex-Noodle) and furry formerly-decorative fruit (only slightly used). Its crime? Being blue. Our binmen apparently didn’t know how to deal with this outrageous violation of the sacred norms of binmanning (or “The Job”, as they call it). So they left it.

Are health and safety regulations preventing our binmen from touching erroneously toned bags? Did it clash too glaringly with the orange of our recycling bags, offending their Changing Rooms-honed aesthetics? Does blue denote a hitherto unknown rubbish category which is collected by binmen with special training in such bags? What do they think we’ve put in it? They took away almost a complete dead pig once, because we’d managed to cover it in enough (black) bags. I don’t know what makes these grizzled, smelly men balk at an unassuming bag of odds ‘n ends, but if they’re not touching it, I’m certainly not. Fortunately, I have learnt from lengthy experiments in our fridge a universal truth: everything turns black if you leave it long enough.

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