Monthly Archive for March, 2007

Scientists detect fat people

Many of you will be aware of recent research performed by top scientists that allows them to detect fat people (bottom scientists, of course, have a much easier time of it). It involves 3D scanners, hospitals and men in white coats standing around saying, “indeed.” You, like me, will be gladdened by this remarkable breakthrough, Continue reading →

Frankie

My cat, Frankie, died today. He was about 13 or so; probably 14. He was the latest in a continent-spanning dynasty of Frankies, named (if memory serves me well) after one of my grandmother’s early beaus. For many a year there’s been a Frankie in the Coffey household, terrorising pigeons (or in the New Zealand Continue reading →

Our binmen are weird

I think they have OCD. It’s the only explanation. Why else would they reject bags of perfectly good rubbish based solely on the colour of the bag? As I type this, there rests outside our front door one forlorn sack of onion cuttings, Pots (ex-Noodle) and furry formerly-decorative fruit (only slightly used). Its crime? Being Continue reading →

Robots suck

Robots suck. You can take my word for it; I’m a roboticist. That sucks, too. The very word roboticist derives from the Sanskrit phrase “rhob dh’syss”, lit. “tilter at windmills”. A roboticist’s life oscillates continually between fervid imaginings of what some idealised, data-rich robot might conceivably do, and despair at the seemingly ineluctable difficulty of Continue reading →

A Farewell to Balham*

Yep, it’s that time at last. There comes a point in every young man’s life when he decides to fly the coop; usually about the same time that the young man realises he’s living in a coop, not a house. This is why coops are constructed at ground level, as the young man will shortly Continue reading →